John Deere: Harvest in the Heartland (DS)

By Steven Marsh

Published on Monday, August 18, 2008

Graphics: 0.50
Sound: 0.50
Gameplay: 0.50
Replays: 0.50
Gamelength: 0.50

“John Deere: Harvest in the Heartland” is nothing more than one big, shameless and utterly boring advertisement.

This is essentially the American take on “Harvest Moon”, which shows all over the place. This is seriously the worst simulation game of any type that I’ve ever played. I don’t even know how I managed to stomach this game long enough to complete this review. I just want to get this over with because this is one of the most painful experiences of my life. Yes, it’s that bad. Here’s my take on “John Deere: Harvest in the Heartland”.

Short version: This game is ugly. Honestly, it reminds me of an early Super Nintendo title. I’m a fan of oldschool games, so don’t get me wrong there, but there’s a fine line between oldschool and complete crap. I realize that this may seem a bit harsh and that some parts of the game look a bit better, but there’s no excuse for how bad this game looks for the most part. You can just tell that the developers didn’t even have any interest in this game. That’s just how bad it is, unless it’s just a sick joke that they’re playing on the gaming community. One can only hope that these guys weren’t serious.

So how about the sound? Another big failure. Is this seriously some sort of joke? Really? I mean, SERIOUSLY? Did they even try? This is out of hand. This game sounds like it was a scrapped prototype that was originally meant to be a launch title for the SNES, but someone realized that the idea was absolute trash and decided not to waste the time of gamers all over the world. It sounds as though no effort was put into the soundtrack at all, much like the graphical quality.

In case your hopes are high, I’m going to shatter them right now. This game is absolutely terrible. It looks bad, it sounds bad and I can’t even begin to describe how much of a colossal waste of time the entire thing is. You plant stuff, raise animals, sell your crops, show things off at fairs, buy new equipment (John Deere brand, of course) and just generally waste time doing a whole lot of nothing. There’s a milking minigame, you can customize your character a little bit and at first, the game actually seems promising. That false sense of security builds the player up, only to let them down shortly thereafter. Luckily enough, it wont take long for most people to realize this and burn the game before it wastes too much of their time. 1 second of gameplay is going too far, much less several hours. It’s a miracle that I came out of this experience alive. I just don’t even know what to say. This is quite possibly the worst game that I have ever played to date.

Overall, I feel the pain of any journalist out there who had to play this game to create a review. I want my time back. I would rather jump in front of a bus than be forced to play this game ever again. Seriously guys, what the hell?

Pros:
-Wonderful when you need keep a fire burning. Toss it in and watch it burn.

Cons:
-This isn’t even worth my time.

Bottom Line:
I can’t recommend this game to anyone. I can’t even recommend this game as a drink coaster. If you get this game as a gift, you should probably be offended. Chances are, the person who gave you this game hates you. Receiving this game is like receiving a kick to the groin, only a kick to the groin is less of a waste of time and effort.

Overall Rating: 0.50

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